How to encourage a child: tips for parents

How to encourage a child? Most psychologists say that often parents do it wrong. Therefore, the baby can grow up a capricious egoist. Let's figure it out together using common methods.

How to encourage a child


Psychologists recommend not praising the child himself, passing approval only to actions or actions. But let's put ourselves in the place of the offspring. Imagine the situation: trying to please parents, the baby cleaned the room or washed the dishes.

The main recommendations are phrases like: “What a clean room has become! It’s so nice to be in it! ” or: "The dishes just sparkled!"

What will the child feel if not to praise him? Right, bitterness and resentment. After all, the room or dishes did not become clean by the wave of a magic wand. Has anyone made an effort to do this? He himself! But he did not receive a well-deserved reward.

Therefore, we leave the psychologists themselves to delve into their recommendations, and from the heart we praise our offspring for each positive action.

Important! It’s impossible to praise a child. He will be glad to any kind words from his parents. Especially if you deserve it.


Simple actions such as stroking the head or back, kisses and hugs can work wonders in the process of education. Just do not overdo it with such encouragement, otherwise after each positive action the child will run to you for a reward.

By the way, do not forget to add praise to affection. This is necessary so that the child understands why they encourage him.

After a little reflection, another question arises: what to do with adolescents? Children of this age often have a very negative attitude towards "calf tenderness." How to be

It turns out there is a way out. However sad it may be, many teenagers spend most of their time on the Internet. And there they have a very popular meme called hugs. Use it in communication with the child. It does not require stroking or kisses, and indeed quite comic.

But, if instead of caressing you say to the offspring: “Yes, you are good fellows, go hug!”, Then believe me, the effect will be amazing. The child will feel his need, and will be proud that his parents are on the same wavelength.

Tip. Rummage on the Internet and learn some words from a teenage slang. This is very useful to you in communicating with the child. Just do not use such phrases publicly or in public. Children are embarrassed by such parents. But tête-à-tête - always, more often and to the place.

Lifting of prohibitions

Of course, within reasonable limits. Empowerment should not become permissiveness. This is not encouragement, but unbridledness. How to do it right?

For example, for some positive deed (help with household chores, the correct solution to the problem, homework), you can allow the child to go to bed a little later than usual. But only here and now, that is today, and not every day.

A 2-4 year old baby is recommended to be allowed to watch more cartoons. Children of 5-7 years old can be allowed to buy something in the store on their own, without the help of adults. Teenager - come home from a walk a little later than expected. But do not forget the golden rule: promotion is good when it is one-time! It is not worth introducing the lifting of prohibitions on an ongoing basis.

Tip. Before encouraging a child in this way, study his habits and desires. Unfortunately, many parents are practically not familiar with their own child.

Joint pastime

No matter how sad this sounds, the modern rhythm of life does not allow parents to spend a lot of time with their child.And sometimes it’s even worse: dad in “tanks”, mom on social networks, the child plays with himself.

Use joint games and activities as encouragement. Just not teaching! It should be games, reading books, watching cartoons.

For older children, the right encouragement would be a walk in the park, on the playground, roller skating with parents.

Teens will enjoy a joint trip to the cinema, zoo, and attractions. Turn on the imagination, ask the offspring what he would like to do with you.

Financial reward

Modern parents use this type of promotion most often. Instead of pocket money, a child is given a certain amount of money for positive actions or deeds. For example, for cleaning the house or good study.

Encouraging a child with money

Here, psychologists are especially actively knocking their heels on the chest, proving that this can not be done! But let's face it now: without money nowhere and nowhere. Especially if the parents of friends or classmates just give their children money for no reason. Do you need your child’s envy of others? Not? So, we keep up to date, and encourage the offspring financially.

But there are some important nuances that should be observed using the monetary equivalent of praise:

  1. The amount must be proportionate to the act. You can’t give 500 rubles for washing dishes, and 50 for cleaning the room.
  2. Parents should forget about this money. The child has every right to use them at his own discretion. You can not say, for example: "This is for you new shoes."
  3. Set a limit. For example, for five five rubles, but not more than 100 rubles a week. Otherwise, the child torments teachers with a desire to answer at the blackboard. Or even take the teacher to share.

In general, it is recommended to use the material form of encouragement as rarely as possible, or for serious actions or matters that require a long implementation. Maybe the end of the school year?

Otherwise, if you pay the child for any trifle (putting on tights or sweeping the floor), then you can achieve the exact opposite effect. The child will demand legal remuneration constantly and in increasing volumes.

Tip. Just do not right now about the value of study and knowledge. The current reality will not allow you to be full and dressed, relying only on knowledge. And in the shops they don’t sell food for study. Just approach financial incentives with caution and carefully consider everything. But do not rule out completely.


The principle of operation of such an incentive is akin to that described in the previous paragraph. The only difference is that money is replaced by sweets, toys, gadgets, clothes. The notorious psychologists almost unanimously argue that this should not be done. I dare to argue.

It is not the purchase itself or the desired item that matters to the child. Who did not encounter a situation when a toy promotion was forgotten 10 minutes after purchase? The kid needs exactly the parental approval of the act done. Even if it is a box of juice or a packaging of felt-tip pens.

I will give an example from my own life. His son at 4 years old was bought a lollipop. Just like that, for no reason. Waving candy during a walk, he dropped it and did not even notice. After a couple of days, exactly the same candy was bought as a reward for wiping the dust on his desk. And just like that, the candy safely flew to the ground during a walk. Oh what a grief it was! Tears were pouring such that any crocodile would die of envy. “Mom, well, I deserve it!” I was cleaning, I tried so hard! ”

Naturally, snot and tears were wiped out, and the third lollipop was solemnly handed over to the saddened child. And you say - do not encourage children with gifts.

Useful Tips

Do not give promotion in advance. A child already at the age of six months is perfectly able to manipulate adults.Therefore, never praise or reward your baby in advance. The offspring should have an incentive, and not a desire to get their own at any cost.

Do not compete between children for promotion. For example, if one is a good student, and the second does not have such successes, then exclude the award for excellent marks from children's life. From the word at all. The spirit of competition should be healthy, not offensive. Remember this. Or reward both children, regardless of the results, so as not to sow enmity between them. True, then this can not be called an encouragement.

In the financial form of the award there is an interesting detail. In addition to promotion, there should be fines. For good grades we pay, for bad grades we subtract. It is very convenient to count in a special table. The child will learn to count his pocket money, at the same time keep records. This skill is great in adulthood.

Now you know how to encourage a child. Do not skimp on praise, then your child will become a normal person with a beautiful character. By the way, sometimes an encouraging smile of a parent is enough for a child instead of a material reward. So why reinvent the wheel?

Video: promotion as a method of parenting

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